Next stop... Inebriation! The Wine Tram.

We need to talk about this tram: The Franschhoek Wine Tram. You get on the tram, it takes you to wine. You get back on the tram, it takes you to more wine. Forever.

Four hours we spent jumping on-and-off this beautiful adventure to alcoholism. And we could have spent four more hours... If we hadn't been falling asleep in our Chenin Blancs and dribbling-out our Sémillons.

A few things you should know about my country: Wales.

NO. We are NOT a part of England. They refuse to any responsibility for us.They might have massacred our princes in the 13th century and annexed our arses in 1536, but they’ve since decided we’re best left to our own devices: namely singing Tom Jones songs and eating daffodils.

However, asking us if we are a part of England isn’t quite as stupid as asking us if we are a part of Russia, or Australia. Or if we’re a collection of large mammals which float in the sea.

Carnivore dreams: MORE brunch.

Bubbalicious brunch at The Westin Hotel puts Gatsby's parties to shame. Lobster - want 5? Why not! Steaks? Have 10, go on!  Champagne: Mix it with shots of vodka, and some lethal chaos of cocktail that's been dumped in a watermelon... Go wild, it's Friday!

Brunch: So far.

Brunch couldn't work in the UK: People would be dead.

And yet, it's the livelihood of expats in the UAE. Basically - you pay an upfront sum (anywhere between 150 and 2,000 dhs - around 30 to 400 pounds) then eat as much food and drink as much alcohol as you can physically consume in 3 hours. It's a decadent race; he who reaches obesity first? Wins! Wales' life expectancy would HALF if brunch was a thing there...